Embracing Sadness in Grief
When someone gently says to you, "Your person would want you to be happy," they speak from a place of tenderness. Of course, your loved one would wish for your happiness, for you to always have the richness and fullness of life you shared together. Yet, when your well wishers encourage you in this way, they never really want you to deny your grief. If they understood the peril of doing that, of pushing away your grief, they would never want that for you.
When someone says this, it’s often their own sentiment surfacing. They yearn for your happiness because your sadness unsettles them, shakes their comfort. But sadness is here to stay, an enduring companion in the landscape of our emotions. How could we not mourn the absence of those we love so deeply?
If you find yourself trying to suppress your sadness, you are completely normal.
Grief is not a shadow to be banished, but a vital thread in the intricate tapestry of our lives. It demands its place, and rightfully so, in the story of who we are and who we will become. Sadness is real, and it is welcome. It moulds us, reminding us of the profound love we lost and the resilience we find as we move forward.
So, let us allow our sadness to be present, let it ebb and flow alongside our joy, and embrace the full spectrum of our human heart. In this acceptance, we discover healing, and the eternal presence of our loved ones, written throughout our lives. Through this, we understand that our grief is not a burden but a testament to our love, a piece of our soul's journey, forever intertwined with the memories of those we have lost.
If you would like to talk about it, to work out how to express it in a way that makes you feel safe, book a call with me, and we can chat about it.
The Myth of the 5 Stages of Grief
Embracing the messy reality..
Grief is a profound, personal journey, often misunderstood and oversimplified by the notion of the "five stages of grief." Originating from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's work with terminally ill patients, this model has been misapplied to the broader experience of loss, suggesting a neat progression through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But grief is far from linear; it's messy, unpredictable, and deeply individual.
The Illusion of Order
Wouldn't it be convenient if we could navigate grief like ticking off items on a list? The five stages imply a universal path, but grief doesn't adhere to any schedule or structure. Each person's experience is unique, influenced by their own stories, cultures, and relationships.
The True Nature of Grief
Most importantly, grief is chaotic and fluid, a storm of emotions that can revisit us at unexpected times. It’s not about reaching a final stage of acceptance but about finding ways to live with the loss, maintaining bonds, and embracing the messiness. In this turbulence, there is also beauty and growth.
Moving Beyond Stages
In order to truly support those who grieve, we can practice:
- Listening without judgment, offering a compassionate ear and validating all feelings.
- Encouraging honest expression, by allowing emotions to flow freely, without forcing them into predefined stages.
- Being patient, and bearing in mind that grief has no deadline; and our support is ongoing.
- Providing resources, in as much as offering ways to find to counselling, coaching, support groups, and literature that acknowledge the multifaceted nature of grief.
Embracing the Messy Reality
So, in conclusion, the myth of the five stages limits our understanding of grief. By embracing its messy, unpredictable nature, we honour each individual's true, unique journey. In accepting this chaos, we find a deeper, more compassionate way to heal and support one another.
If you find yourself trying to pack your grief into a neat, tidy package, you are completely normal. If someone you know is grieving and doing the same, so are they.
Above all, if you would like to talk about this, to think about it in a way that makes you feel safe and supported, book a free call with me, and we can chat about it.
